Last night
Last night was a night that kept me awake and in tears.
You see, I am a mother of two grown children and one teenager, one in particular is causing me great distress at this time. I really am not going into details, but I feel that I am dying inside. I just want to shake him up and say… wake up!!!! I know from experience that no matter what I try, ultimately he has to decide for himself what he wants his life to be like.
Does he want to continue to drift along having nothing to get up for in the morning, so therefore just won’t get up. Or does he want to get out there and make it on his own. I know that he is at a crossroads in his life. I know that he loves Jesus and has committed his life to Him, but his life is not reflecting that at all.
Like I said I know (from experience that my middle daughter gave me) that no matter what tactic I try, it is his choice at the end of it. Meanwhile he is wasting his precious life with the poor decisions he is making.
I cried last night, I cry now! Why is life so hard! I feel totally alone, yet I was reminded that God somehow has everything in control. I realised last night that for a long time I have been neglecting God in my problems. Is that just a mum thing… coz… you know, mums can kiss and make it all better! When they were little it was as simple as that wasn’t it, how I long for those days again. Now, as they are bigger there are bigger issues, little kids - little problems, big kids - big problems. Last night I was trying to figure it all out. But I realised I had nothing to offer, I could do nothing to fix it. I was totally at a loss.
What am I left with? I asked myself this question.
OH…. what about prayer, what about God? Do I dare say… I can’t do it anymore, God can you please help me, help my son, help my family! I didn’t even have the words really, I just wanted God to convict where He needed to convict, and to councel and love my son. I have run out and am left with nothing to offer! Isn’t that sad? I have nothing more to give. I am completely spent!
Last night was last night.
This morning after doing all the morning chores, I checked Carla’s blog, and what do you think I read?
In a post called Pondering Things, she is going through a very similar thing! Oh, my sister across the seas is feeling pain and she has posted about it. She is reminded of Hannah in 1 Samuel and wonders… when are we mothers to stop laying awake at night concerned for our children? The children that have been lent to us by the Almighty God.
It is a heart felt post, one that confirmed to me that my night of tears is shared by many mothers around the globe, one that also teaches me to put my children’s care into God’s Hands. A wonderful post, one that I will try to put into practice.
One of the commenters said something that confirmed it all the more. A wonderful comment, one that I really needed to read today. The whole post was a gift to me from God Himself!
If you are a mum, going through bitterness of heart, please see Carla’s post and be encouraged.
I am working on it, I pray that I let God into my troubled heart, and I pray to just hand my family back to Him. I can’t kiss and make it better in every situation, and I recognise that. I really need you Lord!
Thanks Carla, you truly are a woman of God, you have truly touched me today. And I thank the Lord for you!
